we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
