so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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