Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
