im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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