Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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