why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Life is so much better after having sex.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
