Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
