Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
