actually, I'm a sock model
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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