i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
