So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
