I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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