so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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