Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
