i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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