the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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