Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
