So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My cat gives me a boner
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
