Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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