Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
