Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
