Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
