a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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