OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My vagina just recognized that song.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
