I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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