I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
