i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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