i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
