My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
