Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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