hell yes lets make some ravioli
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
