we're chasing vodka with high fives
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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