you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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