Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
