Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
