dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
