Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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