dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
