his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
