my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
