I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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