Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
