So drunk, too bad you don't want this
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
