Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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