i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize