The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
