I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
