It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
