You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
