There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
