im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
How many fucks given?
0.12846
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
