How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
