Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
