He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
