I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
