sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
