why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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