please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
