Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
