Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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