none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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