Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
