Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
