It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
