She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
