They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
