i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize