i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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