I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize