She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
