okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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