Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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