Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
BRING THE BAGELS
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