it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
