You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
