i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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