god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
